Truth, Beauty & oh my Goodness

“You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body loves what it loves.” - Mary Oliver

I recently watched the documentary Stutz. Beautifully produced and directed by Jonah Hill and co. and now streaming on Netflix it is a love letter to his therapist, Phil Stutz. I highly recommend it. Since watching, I have found myself wanting to take a deeper dive into this system called The Tools. Although the actual books are sold out and publishers are on backorder, I was able to purchase Coming Alive, one of the audio books co-authored by Phil and his colleague, Barry Michels.

I find that listening to certain books can be beneficial as I am able to bookmark clips to revisit again and again. I have many clips in this book. It’s that good.

The section on Truth, Beauty and Goodness in particular really spoke to me. I have grappled with the idea of “being good” pretty much all my life. Many of us have. We were told to be good or else…or else, what? Punishment, shame, guilt and ultimately an unhappy life are messages imbedded in this often benign parental or religious threat or admonishment.

So it is no surprise that I particularly love the way they separate being good from actual goodness. We live in a culture that not only tells us to be good but even more, to be great, better yet, perfect. Perfect at everything, all the time. And imbedded in the YOU have to be the exceptional in order to count is the implication that you are not that. And further, since being perfectly good is the only sure route to Happiness Highway 1 then you must have missed the on-ramp. If you are not insta-happy, completely fulfilled every second of the day or wildly successful -whatever that means- and famous to boot, then you must be doing something wrong. Full stop. You didn’t get the memo and you are not in the club.

But what if goodness is different? What if seeking and seeing goodness is an inside job - available in all the little moments, all the experiments and chances that we take? All the edges we courageously cross even when no one is looking or applauding. Goodness is not dependant on external validation. Goodness as a virtue, an intrinsic value allows us to feel like we have a choice. We are co-creators, contributors regardless of where we are in the process. It doesn’t matter if we get it right, it matters that we show up for the creation of our lives, day to day. Mundane or transcendent. Do the dishes to do the dishes, put your brush to canvas, place your feet on the mat or your pen to paper; feel your connection to creation and stay committed regardless of the momentary outcome because our mastery grows through experience, with time and patience and passion. We each have so much goodness to offer and to receive. As Mary Oliver says, “No matter who you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you, like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.”